All of these unfortunate situations have happened to me a dear friend so I have it on good authority this is how NOT to travel. See parts one and two, also!
1. Do NOT think that arriving two seconds before the train leaves will guarantee you a seat because you have tickets. It doesn’t, and you will have to sit in the stairwell.
^^it was a novelty for about 20 minutes. the next three hours, not so much.
2. If there are one hundred wines to taste at a wine tasting and you already paid, do NOT taste all one hundred. You will feel the pain, no matter how much fun it is at the time.
^^and then all of your pictures will be even blurrier than this.
3. Do NOT assume every bathroom will have toilet paper. They don’t always, and you’ll discover this lack of toilet paper just when you need it the most.
4. Do NOT avoid looking in your shoes if you are afraid of cockroaches. Stepping on one is much, much worse that finding it first.
5. Do NOT think your bus pass is good for everywhere just because some rando told you it was. It could get you kicked off the bus in the middle of nowhere and that bus driver will not have sympathy for you unless you can pay up.
6. Do NOT expect that flavors will be the same, even if they are the same color.
^^although it clearly says paprika on this one, so I don’t deserve much sympathy.
7. Do NOT think that just because the street happens to be quiet, it is an okay spot for a mini-tantrum. That old guy definitely saw you throw your water bottle in a rage from his window.
8. Do NOT assume it’s beef. It might not be beef!!!
9. Do NOT assume that cobblestones will be softer on your feet.
10. Just because it is cute, does not mean it is clean.
^^but when a puppy is THIS cute, who cares how dirty?
11. Do NOT think it is always best to be over prepared, especially when you are the one responsible for carrying that preparedness all over the world and back.
^^I’m trying really hard not to wince.
12. Do NOT assume the wetness on the floor of your shared hostel bathroom is water. It probably isn’t.
13. Do NOT think that it will not matter if your backpack is so stuffed it is crooked. It will especially matter on the back of a motorcycle taxi.
14. Do NOT think it’s a good idea to wear a white tank top when visiting a place known for its “red dust.”
^^yes that tank top used to be white.
15. Do NOT agree to a “little jaunt” on any trail, anywhere, especially if you are wearing rain boots, unless you know exactly what it will entail. It will not be a little jaunt to you and it will hurt for days afterwards.
^^the time I climbed a mountain and was told it would be an easy little jaunt.
16. Do NOT underestimate the value of making friends with beer.
^^obviously my new BFFs.
17. Do NOT think it “doesn’t matter” where you sleep because you “can sleep anywhere.” You are not as young as you used to be, son.
18. Do NOT assume that just because you are drunk you are actually any better at karaoke, especially in a different language. In fact, you are probably worse. But get up there and have fun anyway, because its way easier to karaoke at that moment in time.
19. If the beach you are visiting has a bunch of cute raccoon pictures, run. This means that they are using live raccoons as zoo animals and that does not make for relaxing time on the beach.
^^we drank lots of drinks really fast in the shade to avoid the raccoons.
20. Do NOT think the gorgeous, remote places you see on the internet are completely real. Sure, they exist, but there are likely ten thousand other people clamoring for the same shot as you. Push on through and you’ll get that shot, and it will be great, but you will step on a few toes.
^^how cute is Germany? Even with the crowds? I took about twenty shots trying to get one without twenty people but no such luck.
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I love this post idea! Definitely had me laughing and nodding my head in agreement to many of these!
I think as travel bloggers we amass so many (sometimes unfortunate) lessons 🙂 glad you enjoyed it! 🙂
LOLs forever. You are a very wise woman.
I’ve learned a lot over my years of travel lol 😉
Thanks for sharing my post! 🙂 I laughed all the way through this post. I loved that you said ‘some rando’ when talking about the bus pass hahah
You deserved it! Your post was so thoughtful. And I get so much advice from randos lol…some great, some not so great 😉
HA! I’ve had to sit on many a train floor. It’s the worst. Numb butt usually kicks in around hour 2 for me. x
Oooh numb butt! I know that well sadly 😉 xo
I’ve also learned that cute doesn’t always mean clean, particularly with the stray dogs in Mexico!
Oooh yes that’s so very true. Sometimes they are hard to resist, though! 🙂
Haha, I love this! Though you’ve experienced some nasty things on the road…cockroaches in the shoe, omg!!
It was the grossest thing that’s ever happened to me, I think! At least in the top ten…gotta love Asia! So far that hasn’t happened in Europe yet…I’m keeping my fingers crossed 😉
Lol – these are all great!! The one about toilet paper is especially true – and can be an incredibly awkward one to learn 🙂 I would add that you should not assume there is going to be hot water or even a “proper” shower for that matter. You quickly become a master shower ninja in some places!
The toilet paper one is so important–I always have tissues now just in case! And it’s so true about the shower–I’ve been to some that had a bucket or just a spout over the shower, nice. Hot water really becomes a luxury!
Oh man, I loved reading this. I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just say I loved them all. That dog is SO cute and I would’ve pet him too. And if you paid for one hundred wine tastes, you should damn well get your hundred tastes… if you can manage.
Even if the puppies are dirty, I usually can’t resist! I mean, what are you gonna do if they come running up to you??
I guess I should have said beware of expensive wine tastings, because you will be honor-bound to taste all one hundred since you paid for them. It will just hurt 😉
haha excellent guide and hilarious! #1 is so annoying! #9 is sadly a day to day thing for me in Edinburgh, twisted ankles here I come! #10 is heartbreakingly true 🙁 #12 is disturbing to say the least #20 is amazingly true and we should all remind each other before we pretend real life is as perfect as our photos!
YES these cobblestones are dangerous! And I think we all need disclaimers about how everything isn’t like pinterest! It’s a good reminder for sure 😉
I pretty much absolutely love all of these! I’ll just say this – #20 is definitely true; I’ve been pushed out of someone’s perfect shot before. Plus, those pro photographers probably did mad editing anyway!
so true on the editing, haha! all of these gorgeous shots all over the internet sometimes aren’t even real places. I’ve learned to stop researching so much because I get my hopes up too much and get disappointed lol.
Haha i love your list! i always have a packet of tissue paper with me whenever I’m traveling internationally. And I agree on as you get older, you really can’t sleep anywhere … *sigh
I know! I wish I could sleep anywhere…my boyfriend can just pass out on a bus, plane, etc. I just can’t! wah ;).
oh man your bf is so lucky!!
I know! what a skill.
Hahaha, this is great! I made the mistake of taking white clothes and underwear on a 5 month backpacking trip… never again! They weren’t white after the first wash!
~ Marcella
Oooh white clothes and backpacking are not a good mix! They’ll turn gray, or tan, or just dingy lol.
Loved this list, especially the one about the hike. Once, I was told that I’d be taking a “little” hike that ended up taking 4 hours – I wasn’t even wearing proper shoes. 🙁
OUCH. The unexpected hikes are not always bad, but the worst part is always the bad shoes! Was your hike at least KIND of worth it ? 😉
Haha. Love these! I love to avoid the most popular places and travel to less known (but still beautiful places).
Yes off the beaten path is usually the best! Although the really popular places are often popular for a reason and worth a quick visit 🙂
LOL love these posts! Can totally relate to the red sand- when I was 12 I ruined my favourite pair of light pink pants with the red mud of Prince Edward Island. I was heartbroken. 🙁
And oh my the cockroaches! Ewwwwww stepping on one in your shoe would be terrible. Those things are the worst!
Aww red mud and pink pants is NOT a good combination! It’s funny how memories like that really stick with us. And cockroaches are so traumatizing. EWEWEW!!
LOL!!! This is awesome. Really. It is. I just sent my friend (who happens to be an jazzercise instructor) a similar type of list of things I’ve learned about working out in Korea. One of them was ‘Your tae bow instructor might be wearing pants that say ‘F^*k You!’ and it’s just another day at the gym!’
Thanks :). Your story is HILARIOUS. What a motivating phrase to have on your butt lol to get your clients moving! ;). Gotta love English in Asia…there are always the most ridiculous translations!
Hahaha! This list is awesome. Sounds like you’ve had your fair share of ups and downs though… cockroaches and raccoons? No thanks! And oy, number 17 couldn’t be more true nowadays. No more 10 person hostel dorms for me… I’m too much of a grandma for that now!
I’ve got some good stories, for sure! Although who doesn’t from traveling…always an adventure, even if it doesn’t feel like it until later!! t kind of wish I could still do the big hostel dorm because they’re so cheap…but no no not anymore! I need my sleep haha 😉
You had me giggling throughout this entire post Amy! I can relate to so many things that you said. Because of travelling I ALWAYS shake out my shoes before putting them on, regardless where I am in the world, and whenever I leave Canada/the US you better believe I have toilet paper stuffed in my purse. The only thing I disagree with on your list is #2 – taste all the wine!! especially if pre-paid!! What kind of a traveller would “your friend” be if she just wasted all that money lol!
Haha good point. I should have just warned you to be aware of going to big wine tastings…you WILL feel obligated to try it all, and you should get your moneys worth (I had to!)…but it WILL hurt lol. The toilet paper thing is a MUST. And as I’ve learned, so is the shoe thing! EWWW
Omygosh this post is flipping hilarious. Thank you for the giggle!
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by 🙂