27.

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday.

(And since it’s Treat YoSelf Thursday, I decided to write all about it. If you can’t treat yourself on your birthday, when can you?).

I’m not going to lie–27 is hitting me hard.

I’m not exactly sure why, because it doesn’t sound like that scary of an age. Maybe because it’s officially “late” 20s now and there’s really no getting around that. Maybe because I’m creeping closer to 30. Either way, I’m having lots of fun mini-crises about it (and oh yeah, I just moved to a new country…#transitionsarefun) but I’ve been dreading my birthday all week.

I think they should stop those exercises they make you do in school–you know, the ones that say “where do you see yourself in ten years?” Especially when I realize that ten years ago, I was 17. Sure, maybe that can help you set goals, but really, they just make you wonder what has happened since you wrote those lists.

When I was 17, I rarely thought about what my life would be like in ten years. I was more interested in the current romance novel I was reading, if my friends were hanging out without me, if that boy would ever like me, what I should do after high school, how I could go abroad next, or if I would pass that math test (always, always the math tests!). If my life in ten years did enter my mind, I imagined I would be sophisticated (with the perfect hair and skin that goes along with that), well-traveled, married (or with lovers all over the world), have a home by the sea in a perfect town, and be in a successful, impactful career.

I’m finding it hard not to dwell on these things, because really, none of them have happened, even though ten years have passed.

But it’s my birthday, and instead of wallowing, I want to be grateful. I want to be grateful that I’m alive, that I have my life in whatever form it is, that I even have problems to worry about because that means I’m living.

No, perhaps I am not sophisticated. I worry about my weight, my hair consistently does exactly the opposite of what I think it will do (but at least it always does that? haha), and I still get pimples. However, I am more comfortable in my skin every year. I am happy that my legs can carry me all around my new city and that I feel okay letting my hair do what I want.

^^This is my version of beach hair. You’re welcome. 

I suppose some would say I am well-traveled, but the thing about traveling is that the more you see, the more you want to see. The more you see, the more you realize there is to see. So, I will probably never consider myself well-traveled. But I’m kind of okay with that…because then there would be nothing else to see!

And maybe I’m not married (nor do I have lovers all over the world), but I’m in a long-term relationship with the sweetest guy I could have ever imagined.

As for the career? Well, let’s not even go there, because I’m still figuring that all out. But I’m “well-educated,” I’m being trained to teach English, and I can speak about ten words in about six languages. #winning.

So, that’s me being grateful. I want to practice that hard during this new year of my life.

And I want to give myself (and my life!) a break. I’m not on anyone’s timeline but my own. I’ve always figured things out at my own pace and it’s silly that I put pressure on myself to change that. Maybe I’m not in the place I thought I would be at 17, but many things I never even knew about have happened to me, so maybe it’s better this way.

After all:

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